back to tabulas

im back to tabulas.. leave this one alone!!!

www.tabulas.com/~cerealkiller

kill this one.. bye blogger i hate you you're slow!!!

bye. go to my tabulas.. :D

im bad

i ditched our bio 1 meeting to go to claro's house to hang out.. which i think was worth potentially blacklisting myself... hehe

watched dvds.. laughed.. got to know claro's dog, bruno.. :P

it WAS fun so i guess it was worth having to do the bio part and dealing with potential hate from group mates.. im mguilty now but i wont be when im done with it and happy.. must talk to lorie but she didnt reply.. gah!!!

__________________________

711pm

yeah... after researching my sis took over the pc and i started watching the season 5 vcds roana loaned me. im hooked again. i almost couldnt stop!!!

but i took my resolve and pressed the stop button and now im here again.. trying to find out a lot about mining hehe..

the net card is almost used up i think.. haha dahil ganun lang talga ako.. ive been spending most of my waking hours in front of the pc just like it used to be... only now i am ridden with guilt from unpassed socsci hw (w/c turned out to be attendance for that class meeting so i was absent even if i was tehre...) and unattended bio meeting...

i have no reason for either except for the fact that im.. sad.. oh yes my life unravelled before your eyes.. im sad..

ive been sad since saturday when i didnt exactly enjoy gilmore girls as much as i thought the new season would so here... i am sad. and i have been sad for a while now..

gilmore girls vcds make me temporarily happy but then there'e my forced insomnia to make me guilty for longer periods of time than i do watching vcds.. yeah.. my life the paradox...

is that the right word? i dont give a shit.. gah.. mining.. !!!

________________________
9pm


i need to get out. yes i do. im in my pisay mindframe of not doing homeworks and letting people down and i want it to stop. i want myself to like going to school again. i want to cut my classes one day. i want that day to be tomorrow. i said that to myself just a few seconds from now then i said ill go to my math class since i dont want to lose my .25 bonus for perfect attendance. then i thought about my morning english class in which i suck up to teh teacher every chance i get to compensate for my horrendous quiz (lowest in class).. then i thought about bio and how i still owed it to claude, maggie, lorie and christensen to do my part of the report..

am i too responsible?

i feel so trapped. my chest is tightening. im not kidding.

this cant be happening to me of all people... din, nina, gracie, ciely!!! could we go out this weekend? i dont care if im dead broke and i promised my mom i wasnt going to gimmick the rest of september! i need something in my life and it definitely isnt the net, the tv or gilmore girls. and it obviously isnt hanging out at claro's house to gorge on a lindsay lohan dvd marathon..

there's something wrong in my world, i can feel it.

but i do know why i feel so trapped. im so afraid of failing a subject. im serious. i dont want to be delayed, or failing or whatever. i just want ie done and over with ASAP and then i can work and have an income then i can do whatever i want in my life (aka biology)

im afraid i dont have second chances. but when you think about it college is all about second chances. you can retake subjects.. and stuff like that..

but all this is killing me.. if you dont get it, i dont blame you.. but its a pain in me that im going through all this. im from philippine fucking science for goodness's sake! im extremely unbusy with my subjects but somehow i find a way to make things pile up...

im from philippine fucking science...

i havent been going to the gym. i went on sunday planned to on monday but i didnt. im not going tomorrow. im not. then not on saturday... everything aside from distraction is making me sad.
______________________

(this is my second funk this year, is it not? and it is coming on after a truth and/or shot too.. i dunno. maybe i dont get drunk but i get seriously warped hormones after alcohol intake. and with very much longerterm side effects than a hangover... if this is true i think id rather take the drunkenness...)

im here

i was pahsed out the whole way home from katips thinking of how i could dram my slumbook tonight..

plan: make slumbook pic on adobe print in SC before ie, color photocopy, distribute, put in ring binder when money is not so scarce *i just boguht gossip girl 1! :D*

then do ie: yes easy haha

then search about mining in the phil.. hmm.. anyway.. :D

yeah its so early.

its 645 and im here just to say that i am extremely frustrated with socsci1.. damn.. i lost my cirlces activity thingy and hte paper connected to that is due today.. yeah

oh well im here too because i had a dream and when i take a bath i know ill forget about it...

keyword:

nina/tazha
toilet
cheering competition. sychronized swimming, shower, water, tazha in a purple dress..
water
serena=faust? looking at notes...
jessica biel
giant perdible
"casaa"
the owner of the net cafe i go to
weird eggs
fell in water
30 minutes...you die... rash..
in the last 5 mins you will be workaholic


btw,,
did nothing upon getting home

ate merienda, went to room, ate dinner, went to room, slept, dreamt aint i happy?

tests

Joe Normal 43 % Nerd, 26% Geek, 26% Dork

For The Record: A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia. A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one. A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions. You scored less than half in all three, earning you the title of: Joe Normal. This is not to say that you don't have some Nerd, Geek or Dork inside of you--we all do, and you can see the percentages you have right above. This is just to say that none of those qualities stand out so much as to define you. Sure, you enjoy an episode of Star Trek now and again, and yeah, you kinda enjoyed a few classes back in the day. And, once in a while, you stumble while walking down the street even though there was nothing there to cause you to trip. But, for the most part, you look and act fairly typically, and aren't much of an outcast. I'd say there's a fair chance someone asked you to take this test. In any event, fairly normal. Congratulations! Thanks Again! -- THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST

i did the three variable thing and i was a HAM.. damn lost the code for blogging so thre.. at least i didnt lose the im normal bit hehe. im so proud. :P

old blog. have i posted this before? current near end

september 1, 2005
12: 20 am

i think everyone who knows me has at least an inkling that i have a neurotic biological clock.. therefore i am usually awake at these hours.. yeah.. anyway.. i cant kick the habit while i still watch attic cat which runs from 10-1030. yeah normal beddy-bye time for most people.

so yeah i went home right after lunch with some peeps right after the math test yesterday. so i got home around 330 since i still went to a net cafe to surf etc.

to start off i woke up extremely pissed. yeah. since i was still mad about not being allowed to the sleepover. so then i got mad because my dad didnt tell me he was leaving at 930 when i could've hitched and saved 20 pesos and about 20 minutes of commuting time. then when i just got into the bathroom my mom asked me to type up her thing which i yelled at her i couldnt do. i resolved to go to am's (happy bday am!:D) without telling my mom and leaving my uncharged cellphone at home just to spite her. but alas, tinamad akong magtungo sa foreign place kanina.. so i went home. i;ve been in a state of awake sleep since i got home. i've been reading this pieace of chick-lit, last chance saloon, from 6 until 930. yeah strange. i didnt even sleep in between i was just locked in my room reading. when i came out to eat dinner i snapped at my mom adn didnt talk. yeah that's right. i've spoken at most 30 words since i got home. my life. happy. i was douyble pissed on the trike home by the way since i was charged for the time i wasnt using the pc in the net cafe anymore and she was just saving my files onto my disket. when i realized this i opened cassy's blog and was only able to read one line before she finally logged me out. it said something along the lines of reading my blog and how she missed it. so in a way the mutual inspiration thing holds between cass and me. since i thirst for her entries too. though i have not been printing them anymore. thank you fixed drive a...

anyway.. why am i here? i was suppossed to be sleeping so i put on my brownman revival cd which made me relax.. then i realized i was hitting the wall to the beat. meaning i had pent up energy meaning i was too restless to sleep. then i remembered i had to free up space on my pathetic diskette so that it wouldnt take 3 minutes for net cafe lady to put my files into it anymore... so here i am..

gah.. am feeling guilty for not going to the gym this whole week. yeah.. since i couldnt go on monday since i thought our math test would be tues. then the teacher moved it so i thought i was going to study for wednesday so homedwelling tuesday. then i thought i needed to regain sleep so not today then not tomorrow since i have an eng12 test on fri and not on fri since i either have an apps party to go to or a movie and a yfc meeting. yeah well..

maybe saturday..4-6? hehe since i cannot afford to miss the season premier of gilmore girls 5. :P

if i havent backlogged before i will say now. lagi akong iniintriga nila jodie kung bakit ko lagi gusto maggym. haha. well i saw john lloyd there once so parang lagi nila hinihirit sakin yun. ew. he went once and never again. haha the fool! anyway..

one particularly hyper wednesday (last wednesday), i actually planned to go to the gym and stay there from 5-8.. yeah three hours. it turns out i was there from 430-almost 9 haha.. anyway... i did the usual routine.. then i signed up for body combat whcih is basically kicking and punching to music like ricky martin's she bangs etc.. near the end of the class, this dude comes in and is apparently friends with the instructor.. he had tanned skin and almost waist-length hair in a half-pony. yeah odd. i knew right away he wasnt just a member because it was like knowing a dude with a mohawk isnt a freshie at up hehe... anyway.. yun gwapo siya.. in a native american way haha. at ang galing niya magpushups.. :P

ang labo ko noh? ganyan lang talga pag baliw ka..


oonga pala i checked into depression yesterday when my mom refused to let me go to mitch's sleepover and have been in painful apathy since then. yeah. i know the moment i have been fetched from the apps party OR i have been allowed to sleep over i will be happy again. or maybe not. basta.. it will depend upon that...

my mind-numb state is giving way to me watching two dvds a night and the gma telebabad. yeah minsan pati kilitv ng gma napapanood ka pa. sadly no oprah for me since it is just about done after attic cat...

i wish th computer will be all right by next week. seriously i need personal net connection bad. withdrawal is making life bad for me..

oh yeah ive mentioned that i finished our 90-minute test in less than 60 minutes... since i had 30 mintues to wait. teacher would not let us pass early. i decided to draw the scene outside the door of our classroom. that took about 5 minutes so i just slept.. haha..

i woke up at 5-7 minute intervals and had different dreams for each haha.. my last one had a ship in it. a pirates ship. and me and some toehr peeps i didnt know were in the indoor part. the cabin i think. and there was a roar of sound. like raging waves or ferocious winds..
"that is the sound of the raging sea!"
"no that is the sound of a hundred hungry men!" *seriously that was the convo in my dream*
we look out and we see the crew who are apparantly the hungry men and see that some of them are gathered in a circle around a car tire and are biting into it like it is a communal giant donut.

i wake up because the vision is scary. a few seconds later, my teacher walks in and writes that the time left is 3 minutes.

normal blog: posted a few mnutes ago:
its been so long since i last posted a post thati truly talked.. acutally it isnt but ive really got ot get the bloggy me back in action because i feel so scattered right now. (eating disorder/ slasher logic: if i cannot control anything else i will control my body! parallel blogging disorder: if i cannot control anything else i will control my blog!)

i dunno. it feels so unlike me to be blogging so, so, ...jumpily. yeah thats not a word.. i made it up. it means the transitions are strange and the word choppy like i edited out 2 paragraphs but i didnt.. i jsut phase out while writing/typing...

then again i should admit i havent really been myself at all since.. i dunno.. a long long time.

do you realize that in the apparent freedom of college, i am bound by freaky schedules. yes, in the morning i have to check if i have somewhere to go after class. usually i do. meet up with someone *pisay meetings are scheduled i regret to inform you*, gym, get something photcopied, academic like meeting, run errand, go to mall, etc. i feel incomplete when i have to walk defeated from phan/pav4 to melchor to go to my companionship safety net: tambayan.

it seems odd that i feel this way.. yes, i changed..

also i havent worn a skirt since the start of teh year. yes. i know. i was never a fan of going to school in pants and shirt everyday but look at me now. i have already lost the novelty of no uniforms, putting stuff on as long as i havent worn it in the past 2 days, wearing my clothes so that ill just have some clothes to go to school to. i have lost all passion for accessories having only my livestrong band around my wrist. sure i change my bags but thats more for necessity than vanity..

oh yes so now i am like this, my definition of a routine vegetable. i planned, i will do. i scheduled, therefore i must follow.

it's not the life for me. it isnt.

it doesnt feel right. as if anything ever did. except kabangagan...

oh by the way, thats another thing. i have always used kabangagan as a coverup for when things hurt so much you just have to have time to forget. but sometimes i just really am blissfully happy. but now when im bangag i cant forget and im not genuinely happy. it sint right but it isnt wrong. i dont know whats hurting me but i know its there. like tumor thats still not attacking your body after you doctor said it would. youjust wait for it to strike. and the anticipation is not making things any better.

yes happy me

this is because i have nothing else to do

because of the sadness of the world none of teh 50 candy cuties in the sept issue is from up.. puro lsgh at ateneo at ism.. damn.. hehe

wala lang.. bumuli kami ng seventeen at candy ng ate.. deahil hindi kami makapili.. haha.. gusto ko kasi ng seventeen dahil si raymond at richard gutierrez at si isabel oli yung cover and she wanted the candy dahil mas interesting ung articles.. oh well hehe..

so yun dalwa.. ...

naggym ulit ako for the first time in a week.. baaad patag.. :P

wla lang.. wala na akong ibang masabi.. pwera sa tinatamad akong gawin ang aming magandang socsci..

yes am i promise it tonight.. i will do it..

:P

anwyay aside from tamad ako online ako dahil well.. ganun lang ako ngayon..

ive been net dreprived for over a month and i am trying to get my blogging habits back in order.. :P

anyway.. i found a richard gutierrez fan site! haha ang galing.. :P


yesw some people dont like richard gutierez.. gahaha.. bahala sila sa buhya nila.. sugo ay masya.. :P

i hate internet explorer

my title was supposed to be i hate ie. but people might think it has somehting to di with my course. which it doesnt. hehe..

i blogged so much then ie crashed. so now in on firefox and im happy and extension crazy :P

anwyay..

what do i reaclim from lost entry?

i have now very many blackmail-able stories i am not allowed to talk about.. haha

fun still

was awake till 5am playing truth with blockamtes and claretians.. including gelai :P fun..

slewpt at 5 woke at 7 got home by 830, slept at 9 woke at 1230 slept at 3 woke at 630 watched gilmore girls read a lot here.

there. that was my story..

fun last night, glad i stayed *i got to since i bribed my parents saying i wasnt going to sleepover till sept was over which is a humungous deal since it was just sept 2 :P*

there.. amazing life.. still in shock

stevie, you are sad because you rents let you go free. im sad my parents are suddenly unlike that. some say the grass is always greener on the otehr side. but no. i can live not being payed attention to by my rents ive come to accept and like it. and its never true that your parents dont live you when they let you go gala. coz sometimes thats just cause they think its what you want.

now that pc is fixed

it is haywire. yes it is..

it has hung twice since i opened it an hour or two ago.. haha.. and then hte new modem is supplying me with a mere 31.2 kbps connection oh yes how happy but at least i now have happy home net connection...

magiging back log lang muli ang unang entry ko on my pc dahil kelangan magtype ako offline para magsaya ang net card ko at magtagal ang buhay niya.. oh ha?? heheh

bye.. will try to delete files etc..


*to tell you how slow 31.2 kbps is, an example: it took me 3 fucking minutes to open google. happy?*

backlog once more

september 1, 2005
12: 20 am

i think everyone who knows me has at least an inkling that i have a neurotic biological clock.. therefore i am usually awake at these hours.. yeah.. anyway.. i cant kick the habit while i still watch attic cat which runs from 10-1030. yeah normal beddy-bye time for most people.

so yeah i went home right after lunch with some peeps right after the math test yesterday. so i got home around 330 since i still went to a net cafe to surf etc.

to start off i woke up extremely pissed. yeah. since i was still mad about not being allowed to the sleepover. so then i got mad because my dad didnt tell me he was leaving at 930 when i could've hitched and saved 20 pesos and about 20 minutes of commuting time. then when i just got into the bathroom my mom asked me to type up her thing which i yelled at her i couldnt do. i resolved to go to am's (happy bday am!:D) without telling my mom and leaving my uncharged cellphone at home just to spite her. but alas, tinamad akong magtungo sa foreign place kanina.. so i went home. i;ve been in a state of awake sleep since i got home. i've been reading this pieace of chick-lit, last chance saloon, from 6 until 930. yeah strange. i didnt even sleep in between i was just locked in my room reading. when i came out to eat dinner i snapped at my mom adn didnt talk. yeah that's right. i've spoken at most 30 words since i got home. my life. happy. i was douyble pissed on the trike home by the way since i was charged for the time i wasnt using the pc in the net cafe anymore and she was just saving my files onto my disket. when i realized this i opened cassy's blog and was only able to read one line before she finally logged me out. it said something along the lines of reading my blog and how she missed it. so in a way the mutual inspiration thing holds between cass and me. since i thirst for her entries too. though i have not been printing them anymore. thank you fixed drive a...

anyway.. why am i here? i was suppossed to be sleeping so i put on my brownman revival cd which made me relax.. then i realized i was hitting the wall to the beat. meaning i had pent up energy meaning i was too restless to sleep. then i remembered i had to free up space on my pathetic diskette so that it wouldnt take 3 minutes for net cafe lady to put my files into it anymore... so here i am..

gah.. am feeling guilty for not going to the gym this whole week. yeah.. since i couldnt go on monday since i thought our math test would be tues. then the teacher moved it so i thought i was going to study for wednesday so homedwelling tuesday. then i thought i needed to regain sleep so not today then not tomorrow since i have an eng12 test on fri and not on fri since i either have an apps party to go to or a movie and a yfc meeting. yeah well..

maybe saturday..4-6? hehe since i cannot afford to miss the season premier of gilmore girls 5. :P

if i havent backlogged before i will say now. lagi akong iniintriga nila jodie kung bakit ko lagi gusto maggym. haha. well i saw john lloyd there once so parang lagi nila hinihirit sakin yun. ew. he went once and never again. haha the fool! anyway..

one particularly hyper wednesday (last wednesday), i actually planned to go to the gym and stay there from 5-8.. yeah three hours. it turns out i was there from 430-almost 9 haha.. anyway... i did the usual routine.. then i signed up for body combat whcih is basically kicking and punching to music like ricky martin's she bangs etc.. near the end of the class, this dude comes in and is apparently friends with the instructor.. he had tanned skin and almost waist-length hair in a half-pony. yeah odd. i knew right away he wasnt just a member because it was like knowing a dude with a mohawk isnt a freshie at up hehe... anyway.. yun gwapo siya.. in a native american way haha. at ang galing niya magpushups.. :P

ang labo ko noh? ganyan lang talga pag baliw ka..


oonga pala i checked into depression yesterday when my mom refused to let me go to mitch's sleepover and have been in painful apathy since then. yeah. i know the moment i have been fetched from the apps party OR i have been allowed to sleep over i will be happy again. or maybe not. basta.. it will depend upon that...

my mind-numb state is giving way to me watching two dvds a night and the gma telebabad. yeah minsan pati kilitv ng gma napapanood ka pa. sadly no oprah for me since it is just about done after attic cat...

i wish th computer will be all right by next week. seriously i need personal net connection bad. withdrawal is making life bad for me..

oh yeah ive mentioned that i finished our 90-minute test in less than 60 minutes... since i had 30 mintues to wait. teacher would not let us pass early. i decided to draw the scene outside the door of our classroom. that took about 5 minutes so i just slept.. haha..

i woke up at 5-7 minute intervals and had different dreams for each haha.. my last one had a ship in it. a pirates ship. and me and some toehr peeps i didnt know were in the indoor part. the cabin i think. and there was a roar of sound. like raging waves or ferocious winds..
"that is the sound of the raging sea!"
"no that is the sound of a hundred hungry men!" *seriously that was the convo in my dream*
we look out and we see the crew who are apparantly the hungry men and see that some of them are gathered in a circle around a car tire and are biting into it like it is a communal giant donut.

i wake up because the vision is scary. a few seconds later, my teacher walks in and writes that the time left is 3 minutes.

______________________

am searching for net summaries.. cant find a faust one! damn!!! :P